I’ll be honest—my first experience with therapy was… not what I expected. I went into it hopeful, thinking that maybe this was what my relationship needed. My ex and I were always arguing, always clashing, and I was tired of feeling like we were stuck in this endless cycle of frustration and hurt. So, after a lot of convincing (and I mean a lot), he finally agreed to try couples therapy. I was relieved. I thought, Finally! We’re taking steps to fix this.
At first, it felt like we were making progress. We sat there, facing each other, talking about things that had been swept under the rug for too long. But as a woman, I’ve learned to trust my intuition—and that gut feeling started tugging at me after a few sessions. I couldn’t shake the feeling that our therapist had a little too much interest in my ex. She was warm and engaging with him, giving him all the time and space to speak, and when it was my turn… the clock always seemed to run out. I brushed it off at first, thinking maybe I was overreacting. But it kept happening—again and again.
To make things worse, she started siding with him more and more. And trust me when I say my ex was good at playing the charming, misunderstood “good guy.” He had this ability to make people fall for his act, and it felt like I was sitting in that room watching him win her over, while I sat there feeling invisible. But the moment that truly broke me? It was when she looked me in the eye and said,
"It’s a little unrealistic to expect a man to be faithful."
Yeah. That was enough for me. I remember just sitting there, stunned, before I stood up and left. I let them keep talking for all I cared. In that moment, I was done—with her, with him, with all of it. And while that experience left a bad taste in my mouth, I have to admit that those sessions taught me something important. Even though the therapist wasn’t the right fit, I learned things about myself that I hadn’t confronted before.
Fast forward to now, I’ve found a therapist who’s just for me—someone who listens, challenges me, and helps me peel back the layers of myself that I didn’t even realize were there. I’ve discovered so much about who I am in these past few months. And that’s the thing about therapy… it’s not always a smooth road, but when you find the right person to guide you, it can be life-changing.
So, How Do You Know It’s Time to See a Therapist?
We all have those moments when life feels too much—when emotions get heavy, and no amount of venting to friends or journaling seems to help. But how do you know when it’s time to take that step? Here are some signs:
You Feel Stuck in a Toxic Relationship Cycle
If you’re constantly in relationships where the same toxic patterns keep repeating—whether it’s with romantic partners, family members, or friends—therapy can help you identify why. I didn’t realize how much of my own past was shaping the choices I was making in relationships until I started digging deeper.
You’re Overwhelmed by Your Emotions
Do you feel like you’re drowning in anxiety, sadness, or anger? If your emotions feel too intense to handle, or they’re starting to interfere with your daily life, that’s a sign to seek help.
You’re Reliving Past Trauma
Sometimes, the things we thought we buried a long time ago creep back into our present. If old wounds are resurfacing, causing nightmares, anxiety, or affecting your relationships, a therapist can help you process and heal.
You’re Struggling with Sleep, Focus, or Motivation
When your mental health takes a hit, your body often follows suit. If you’re having trouble sleeping, staying focused at work, or finding the motivation to get through the day, therapy can help uncover what’s weighing you down.
You’re Numbing Yourself to Cope
If you find yourself turning to alcohol, food, excessive scrolling, or other distractions to numb the pain, it’s a sign that something deeper needs attention. These coping mechanisms might offer temporary relief, but they won’t heal the root of the problem.
But Finding the Right Therapist? That’s the Key.
After that first experience, I realized that not all therapists are created equal. It took me some time to find the right fit, but here’s what helped me:
Look for Someone Who Specializes in What You Need
Whether it’s relationships, trauma, anxiety, or self-esteem—find someone who understands what you’re going through. A specialist can give you the tools tailored to your situation.
Trust How You Feel After the First Few Sessions
Pay attention to how you feel after your first couple of visits. Do you feel heard? Validated? Challenged in a good way? Or do you feel dismissed and unseen? You deserve someone who truly sees you.
Don’t Be Afraid to Switch Therapists
If it’s not working, it’s okay to leave. You’re not stuck. Finding the right therapist is like finding the right pair of shoes—you’ll know when it’s a fit.
Do Your Homework
Check reviews, ask for recommendations, and explore different approaches (CBT, EMDR, talk therapy, etc.) to see what might resonate with you.
Therapy Isn’t About Fixing You—It’s About Finding You
I used to think therapy was about fixing what was broken in me. But I’ve learned that it’s not about fixing—it’s about understanding. It’s about peeling back the layers, facing the hard stuff, and giving yourself the grace to grow.
Even if your first experience with therapy wasn’t great (trust me, I get it), don’t give up on yourself. There’s someone out there who can help you unlock the version of yourself that’s been waiting to be seen.
And when you find that person? It’s not just about healing. It’s about stepping into your power.
