Let’s get real for a minute—healing your inner child isn’t some cute little Pinterest self-care moment. It’s brutal. It’s confusing. And honestly? It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I’m not talking about lighting a candle, taking a bath, and journaling for 20 minutes. I’m talking about ripping the tape off the parts of yourself you’ve spent years trying to silence. The parts you tucked away so well, you almost convinced yourself they didn’t exist.
But now? They’re loud. They’re messy. And they’re asking to be heard.
When You've Only Known Toxic Love
Growing up, I thought love was supposed to hurt. That love meant walking on eggshells, saying sorry for things that weren’t your fault, and doing backflips to keep the peace. That love meant earning it. Pleasing for it. Begging for crumbs.
That’s the kind of “love” I was taught.
And now, as an adult, I’m standing here trying to unlearn all of it—while raising my own kids, working full time, and trying not to completely lose my mind. It’s like looking in the mirror and asking: How much of me is actually me? And how much of me is just a survival tactic?
It’s wild, really—realizing you spent your whole life trying to be lovable by people who didn’t even know how to love themselves. And now you’re left trying to piece yourself back together without the manual.
The Lie I Lived With
For the longest time, I told myself it wasn’t that bad. “Other people had it worse.” I buried things. Smiled through things. Brushed off things that never should’ve been okay.
And I convinced myself that I was fine.
But that’s the thing about healing—it doesn’t care how fine you pretend to be. It comes for you. In your relationships, in your parenting, in your silence. Especially in your silence.
The Truth No One Talks About
This kind of healing means looking at your own patterns and owning the fact that you might’ve normalized pain. That you might chase people who feel like home, even if that “home” was cold, chaotic, or conditional.
And it’s not just about cutting off toxic people. It’s about cutting ties with the version of yourself that needed them. The version of you who thought love was supposed to feel like a battlefield. That’s the version I’m learning to forgive. That’s the version I’m finally letting rest.
So What Does Healing Actually Look Like?
Some days it looks like crying in the car before work. Some days it looks like setting a boundary and then sitting in your room, shaking, because your inner child is terrified someone’s going to leave. Some days it looks like nothing. Just breathing.
But every now and then—there’s a breakthrough. You realize you don’t owe toxic people access to you just because they share your DNA. You realize love shouldn’t leave you anxious, drained, or doubting your worth. And most importantly—you realize you’re allowed to want more.
If You’re in It Too…
If you’re in the thick of this healing, just know: I see you. I am you. And no, you’re not crazy. You’re not dramatic. You’re not broken.
You’re just unlearning survival.
So go ahead and grieve the version of yourself that had to fake it for so long. Mourn the love you didn’t get. Mourn the safety you didn’t know you needed. And then—start again. Not for them. Not for some fairy tale ending.
For you. For that little version of you who never had anyone to show them what love really looked like.
Because now? That someone is you.
