There comes a point when your brain throws up its hands and says, “I’m done.” You stop checking your phone. You stop replaying every conversation. You stop hoping they’ll change. Mentally, you’ve walked out the door and locked it behind you. But emotionally? That’s a whole different story.
Emotionally, I’m still standing there… right in the doorway I just closed.
And it’s frustrating. Because I know better. I know they were toxic. I know the way they loved me wasn’t love at all—it was control, chaos, convenience. I know they only reached for me when they were bored, lonely, or needed to feed their ego. And yet, there’s a part of me that still wonders, “Did they ever actually care?”
It’s the tug-of-war between your mind and your heart. One says, “They don’t deserve another second of your energy.” The other whispers, “But what if this time…”
I hate that whisper.
I hate that it still gets to me.
Healing isn’t always clean. It’s not a straight line. Sometimes you’ll feel like you’ve moved on, and then out of nowhere—boom—a memory hits you like a punch to the gut. A song. A smell. A random Tuesday where you thought you’d be fine. And suddenly you’re back in it. Missing someone who probably never missed you.
It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
Because even when you’ve mentally packed your bags and moved on, your emotions don’t always follow right away. There’s grief in letting go of what you wanted it to be, even if what it actually was broke you in ways you’re still trying to understand.
Some people will say, “Just let it go.” As if healing is a light switch and not a whole-ass renovation.
No one talks enough about that middle part—when you’re no longer stuck, but you’re not quite free either. When you’ve stopped reaching out, but you still dream about them. When you laugh with your friends, but the silence at night still stings.
That in-between is where the real work happens.
So if you’re there—mentally over it, emotionally still holding on—know you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. You’re just feeling the weight of all the things you didn’t get closure for. But you will find peace. Not from them, but from yourself. That moment when your emotions finally catch up to the strength your mind has already built? It’s coming.
It just takes time. And honesty. And giving yourself grace on the days when moving on feels more like standing still.
Just don’t go back to what broke you trying to find what’s already ahead of you.
You’ve already made it this far. Keep going.
