Let’s talk about emotional abuse—because sometimes, the most painful bruises are the ones you can’t see. And if you’ve ever had to Google “What is emotional abuse?” only to click out of the tab thinking maybe it’s not that bad, then yeah… this one’s for you.
See, emotional abuse doesn’t show up with a black eye or a broken arm. It shows up in the form of second-guessing yourself. Constantly. It looks like being made to feel too sensitive, too needy, too dramatic. It’s the exhaustion that comes from walking on eggshells in your own home, in your own skin. It’s the kind of hurt that teaches you to shrink yourself so someone else can feel big.
It’s gaslighting. Manipulation. Silent treatments. Conditional love. It’s being told “you’re overreacting” so many times that you actually start to believe it.
And if you’re like me—or who I used to be—you trained yourself to survive it. You laughed at the jokes that made you feel small. You apologized for things that weren’t your fault. You started pre-planning your reactions so you wouldn’t “set them off.” You became a version of yourself that was easier to love—or at least, easier to control.
That’s the part people don’t talk about enough. Emotional abuse doesn’t just hurt you—it rewires you. You don’t even recognize how much of your personality was shaped around avoiding their moods until you’re sitting alone, wondering if maybe you were the problem all along.
But you weren’t.
Let me say that louder:
You. Were. Not. The. Problem.
Breaking the cycle of emotional abuse doesn’t always start with a dramatic exit or a big revelation. Sometimes, it starts with a whisper. A gut feeling. A moment of clarity in the chaos. Sometimes, it's just you sitting on the floor in your bedroom asking, “Is this really love? Or is this just what I’ve been taught to accept as love?”
And that moment—that little moment of doubt in them instead of yourself—that’s where it starts.
I won’t sugarcoat it. Leaving or healing isn’t easy. Sometimes you’ll still defend them out of habit. Sometimes your mind will crave their validation even though your soul knows better. You’ll miss them, yes—but more than that, you’ll miss the version of you who didn’t question your own sanity on a daily basis.
But here’s the thing: You are allowed to outgrow the love that hurt you. You are allowed to call it abuse even if there were good days. You are allowed to want peace without needing proof that you’re “allowed” to walk away.
I used to think that surviving emotional abuse meant staying strong enough to handle it. Now I know that real strength is found in leaving, in healing, in choosing yourself, even when you’ve been taught that doing so is selfish.
So if you’re reading this and you’re stuck in that in-between space—not sure if it’s really abuse, not sure if you’re being too emotional, not sure if it’s worth giving up on someone you love—just know: you’re not alone. You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting.
You’re waking up.
And that’s the first step to breaking the cycle.
