There are days I wake up and immediately feel behind.
Behind in love.
Behind in success.
Behind in healing.
It’s like life sprinted forward without me, and I’m left tying my shoes on the sidelines—watching everyone else cross the finish line like it was nothing.
I scroll through social media and see people smiling in the life I thought I’d have by now. Vacations, baby showers, new homes, engagements. Even the people who once hurt me seem to be thriving. My enemies are flourishing in the very life I begged the universe for. Tell me that’s not a punch to the gut.
Sometimes, it doesn’t just feel like I’m being left behind—it feels like life’s got me by the neck with a knife to it, warning me not to dream too big. Like every time I muster up hope, life says, “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”
And yeah—I get salty. Real salty. I won’t sit here and pretend I’m above it.
I feel the ache when relationships end and I’m left holding the pieces.
I feel the sting when I work my ass off and the door still doesn’t open.
I feel the jealousy when someone else gets everything I prayed for in silence.
But even with all that—I’m still showing up.
Still putting on clothes, still brushing my hair, still writing these words.
Some days that’s all I can do.
Some days, that’s enough.
Because as painful as it is to feel like I’m always playing catch-up, I know that quitting would hurt worse. I know deep down that there’s something waiting for me—something that won’t require me to beg, break, or bleed just to hold onto it.
So if you’re reading this and you feel like the world is moving without you, like your timeline is out of sync with everyone else’s, like you’re constantly stuck in a loop of almost and not-quite—
Just know I see you. I am you.
And maybe we’re not behind.
Maybe we’re just being built for something that takes a little more time.
Until then, I’ll keep showing up.
With salt in my wounds and fire in my chest.
Because I’m not done yet. And neither are you.
