Let’s talk about that moment—the one that makes your stomach drop.
You know the one I mean.
When the calls stop. The texts slow down. Their energy shifts.
And suddenly, the person who couldn’t get enough of you yesterday is nowhere to be found today.
You overthink. You rewind every conversation in your head. You wonder if you said too much, not enough, or loved too loudly.
And you start to chase.
You send the “are you okay?” texts.
The “just thinking about you” check-ins.
The ones that silently scream, please don’t leave me.
But here’s what I wish someone had told me sooner:
When a narcissist pulls away, it’s not because they need space. It’s because they’re testing your reaction.
It’s a game. A power play. A twisted little experiment to see just how much control they still have over you.
They want to know if you’ll panic.
They want to see if they can make you beg, plead, shrink.
And the more you chase?
The more power you hand over.
I used to fall for it every time. The silent treatment would send me spiraling. I'd blow up their phone, apologize for things I didn’t do, and offer pieces of myself just to keep the peace. I thought I was fighting for love.
But what I was really doing was proving I could be manipulated.
Let me say that again for the woman in the back who’s been losing sleep over someone who ghosted her with no explanation:
You are not being punished. You are being measured.
They pull away to provoke. And when you chase, they don’t feel loved—they feel powerful.
So here’s what I do now:
When someone pulls away, I let them.
I don’t double-text. I don’t beg. I don’t over-explain.
I sit with the silence and remind myself that love shouldn’t feel like emotional hide-and-seek.
And if that makes me “cold”? So be it.
Because I’ve been the woman who chased.
And now I’m the woman who doesn’t.
If they wanted to talk, they would.
If they cared, they’d show it.
If it was real, it wouldn’t come with emotional games attached.
Let them pull away.
Let them wonder why you didn’t run after them this time.
Let them feel what it’s like to lose access to someone who finally knows her worth.
You don’t need to prove you care by chasing.
You prove your power by choosing peace over performance.
And, trust me—you’re allowed to be the one who walks away from the game entirely.
