Let’s talk about the lie we keep telling ourselves—the one that whispers, “They’ll change.”
It doesn’t matter how many times they’ve disappointed you. How many times they said they’d do better. How many times you’ve cried yourself to sleep, convincing yourself that this time will be different. Hope becomes a drug. And when you’re hooked on someone’s potential instead of their reality, you stop seeing them clearly. You stop seeing yourself clearly.
I’ve been there—waiting for apologies that never came, rewriting my own needs to keep the peace, holding onto crumbs like they were a full-course meal. I used to believe that if I just loved them harder, showed more patience, stuck around through the storms, they’d wake up one day and realize I was worth treating right.
But let me say this with love and clarity:
You can’t heal someone who keeps cutting you open.
We stay because we remember the version of them they sometimes were—the charm, the laughter, the intimacy. We cling to those moments like lifelines, ignoring the emotional chaos in between. That sliver of good becomes the excuse for mountains of bad. That’s how false hope works—it disguises itself as loyalty, but it’s really just fear.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of starting over.
Fear of admitting that this person was never going to become who you needed them to be.
I used to think if I left, it meant I failed. That I gave up on someone I loved. But now I realize staying was the real betrayal. Not just to myself, but to the version of me that deserved peace, consistency, and care. I was so busy hoping for change, I didn’t notice how much I was changing—becoming smaller, quieter, more anxious, more unsure of myself.
Here’s the truth that stings:
If they wanted to change, they would’ve by now.
Not once. Not with more time. Not if you’re more understanding. They would’ve made the choice, taken action, done the work. But when someone keeps showing you who they are—and you keep hoping for someone else—you’re no longer being loyal to them… you’re being disloyal to you.
It’s not your job to fix them. It never was.
It’s your job to protect your peace.
To stop begging for love in places where you keep getting bruised.
So if you’re waiting for a sign, let this be it.
They aren’t going to change.
But you can.
Healing Tip:
Start a “reality journal.” Every time you feel yourself slipping into hope or romanticizing the past, write down exactly what happened—not how you wish it had gone, but what was said, how it made you feel, and what patterns you’ve seen. This helps break the cycle of idealization and brings you back to truth. Because healing starts when you stop rewriting their story and start reclaiming yours.
