Love Should Feel Safe, Not Like a Battlefield
Love is meant to be a sanctuary—a space of warmth, security, and acceptance where you feel valued and cherished. But sometimes, love turns into a battleground, and the person you trust most becomes the one who hurts you the deepest. My experience with toxic love wasn’t just about heartbreak; it was about losing myself, waking up to the truth, and fighting to reclaim my self-worth.
The Cycle of Hope and Hurt
For 12 years, I was trapped in a relationship that constantly distorted my sense of reality. My ex was unfaithful repeatedly, yet every time I confronted him, he twisted the story—blaming me for his betrayals, making me question if I was somehow responsible. I clung to hope, believing that if I loved him enough, if I stayed loyal, he would eventually see my worth and change.
But he didn’t change. I did.
I lost pieces of myself trying to make the relationship work. I became desensitized to the pain, convincing myself that his infidelity was normal. Every time I forgave him, walking away seemed harder. I had mistaken endurance for love—believing that love meant endless forgiveness, no matter how much it hurt.
When Love Becomes the Enemy
One of the hardest realizations was understanding that I wasn’t just a victim in this toxic cycle—I was also enabling it. I kept giving him chances, even when the truth was staring me in the face. I betrayed myself by staying, making excuses, and letting my fear of the unknown keep me tethered to someone who had no intention of changing.
I’ll never forget when a therapist told me that expecting a faithful partner was unrealistic. That moment shook me. Had I really been conditioned to believe that wanting respect and commitment was asking for too much?
That session became a turning point—not because I agreed, but because I recognized just how deeply I had normalized toxicity in my life.
The Moment I Chose Myself
Leaving wasn’t easy. It wasn’t a dramatic epiphany where everything suddenly made sense. It was a slow, painful process—years of realizations stacking up until I couldn’t ignore them anymore. Even after I walked away, doubt lingered. Was I overreacting? Would I ever find love again?
But then, something powerful happened—I began to heal.
I reconnected with myself. I started prioritizing my mental and emotional well-being. I unlearned the damaging beliefs I had carried for so long:
- Love should never feel like a war zone.
- Someone who truly loves you won’t make you question your worth.
- Staying in a toxic relationship for the sake of “love” isn’t love—it’s self-abandonment.
Lessons Learned the Hard Way
- Love is not pain. Love can be challenging, but it should never consistently break you. If you’re always hurting, that’s not love—that’s suffering.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect. I believed in second chances, but I learned that true remorse is reflected in changed behavior, not just words.
- You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to change. I thought my love would be enough for him to see my worth. But real love doesn’t require you to constantly prove yourself.
- Leaving is hard, but staying in toxicity is harder. The fear of starting over kept me trapped. But once I left, I realized peace is far better than constantly walking on eggshells.
- Your happiness is your responsibility. No one else can give you the love and peace you deserve—you have to create it for yourself.
Healing While Hurting
Walking away from a toxic relationship doesn’t mean the pain vanishes overnight. Healing is a journey—one that requires facing wounds, unlearning toxic habits, and rediscovering self-love. I won’t pretend I have it all figured out, but I do know this: I will never again settle for a love that makes me shrink, suffer, or question my worth.
If you’re in a toxic relationship, know this: You are not weak for staying, but you are strong enough to leave. It won’t be easy, but I promise—peace, self-love, and genuine happiness are worth it.
You deserve better. You always have.
Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? What was your turning point? Share your story below—I’d love to hear it.
By: April Carson
